Our Vision for an Independent Scotland
Scotland deserves better. Or at least different. That’s why we, the Scottish Numpty Party, have crafted the most revolutionary and most refreshingly honest manifesto in modern politics.
Core Policies
- Hold a second Independence Referendum — clearly nothing else is working.
- Invest in the NHS... right after we’ve printed our own money. The Scotcoin.
- Rebrand North Sea oil as "Freedom Juice" and sell it only in tartan barrels.
- Promise to listen to the people, as long as they agree with us.
- Nationalise Whisky – Not to make money, but to improve national morale.
- Irn-Bru Subsidy Scheme – Free for all citizens during referendums, Mondays, and hangovers.
- Camper Van Ownership Rights – Every Scot gets one by 2030 (whether they want it or not).
- Ferry Construction to Remain Glacial – To ensure tradition, suspense, and job security for generations.
- Every Citizen Gets a Kilt – And mandatory spinning in fields to bagpipe music at least once a year.
Foreign Policy
- Commit to rejoining the EU without explaining the process, timeline, or terms.
- Demand the return of the Stone of Destiny — and a refund for centuries of nonsense.
- Build a bridge to Ireland (The EU), via Shetland.
- Establish diplomatic relations with extraterrestrial life forms, starting with the Loch Ness Monster.